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June 17th, 2007
01:15 pm - Wk 1
Only one week later and Beijing feels so distant, both literally and figuratively. There's plenty not to miss in theory about the city, but the familiarity of my routine there, the sorts of people you see and interact with, the ways of interacting ... I miss it all. While it's nice to have birds chirping down a tree-lined street of rowhouses, free performances at the Kennedy Center each night, or easier access to cafes and bookstores in English, it sucks not being able to start up random conversations with people (and give them meaning); not being able to blend into the masses (SE DC is mostly, if not all, black; and in general, there are few Asians anywhere around town); not being able to talk in Chinese; the list could go on. I've been cooking a lot, which has helped with the transition. Because I cook the same way wherever I go, that helps Boston, Winter Park, Beijing, and DC have something in common.
Standards are different here, a point that hit me last week when I attended a brown bag conversation on discrimination in the shelter system. The speaker was describing how terrible it was for some shelters to subject guests to communal showers and bathrooms without doors, which was met by gasps of indignation in the audience. Not that I ever got my share of communal showers, but I sort of wanted to share how I peed in front of way too many people on a not-infrequent basis in Beijing. It's great that the US system is advanced to the point where we can be so concerned about personal privacy, but frankly, I don't think a lot of people realize how good they have it here.
Well, that was self-righteous, wasn't it? Didn't mean for it to come out that way.
As for meeting people around town, I went to a Shabbat dinner with my Jewish co-worker, where I met some folks in their Jewish service corps program. They were generally nice, friendly, and they made great food; but the likelihood of re-connecting on my own (or their) initiative is probably slim. There was a blonde from Berkeley, who was a bit trying to interact with -- we came across each other again yesterday by semi-chance after a documentary viewing on L.A. garment workers. Imagine her outside the theater: "O my god, that was like, the best movie ever; I like cried through the whole thing. Seeing them lead those lives, like, really makes me want to get involved and do something." This coming from a girl who delights in stalking her ex via the Philippines Craigslist during work. Then there was another girl who would shove her head into another's armpit while clutching her waist; or a very Jewish-looking guy who decided to play the "Do you know [insert person's name] at Harvard" game with me at length. When we discovered that one of my freshman entrywaymates was a mutual acquaintance, he proceeded to share how she fell to #3 her senior year after three years of being #1 in the class. And, he wondered whether E. still wears "those really short skirts? We were always like, wow" (not the good sort of WOW).
This will all take time. Ann tells me to be patient (in general). I recently came across Peter Hessler's _River Town_, which is a travel memoir of his two years teaching for the Peace Corps in Sichuan. I remember Shelley saying once how good books made her sad in knowing that they would end, and I feel very much that way about _RT_. It has, in addition to my cooking, been a good transition tool for me as of late.
I just get lost in nostalgia sometimes. Funny how things always seem better/less bad in retrospect.
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June 12th, 2007
01:42 am - back in the US of A
reached DC yesterday. turns out i'm not really housesitting anymore, as ann is no longer traveling to china this summer. yesterday we went to the jewish community center where she volunteers to hear a talk on radio and its role in society, where i promptly fell asleep. after visibly nodding off twice in the talk room (a cozy little one), i figured it'd be better if i removed myself to the couch outside where i could doze without majorly offending anyone.
turns out that the commute from where i'm living in NW DC is mad inconvenient to my worksite in the SE. think bus to subway to bus, and no parallel streets around the neighborhood! my poor sense of direction is going nuts, and i find myself wanting the neat ring structure of beijing, even if transportation there, too, is hairy. good thing i've been trained to withstand 1.5-2 hour commutes by now, and even better that the signs here are all in english. too bad we're back to a daily travel cost of 7USD. 7USD! that's several months of china bus money.
i was greeted this morning by the front page of the washington post, addressing the local educational systems (public) here. apparently, DC ranks amongst the highest-spending on education, but amongst the least efficient with its funds. i was surprised to read something so critical (i kept waiting for the positive turn that comes with most chinese paper articles, ie "we have x, y, z social problem but look at this uplifting situation/story/solution/etc") ... and also that this was happening in the US capital! how ironic. troubling, too.
am enjoying having easy access to a kitchen and ann's personal library. books everywhere! am starting barbara ehrenreich's nickel and dimed, which is written accessibly; i've always liked that about ethnography in general. rumor has it that DC is a hopping place for young folk. as i am currently somewhat in the suburbs and rather homey by nature, it'll be a conscious effort to put myself out there. but we'll see how things go, especially as work starts up and hopefully i get around to meeting new people.
it's a bit strange to be back in the US, though the changes are never quite as dramatic as i'd expect. but they are there nonetheless. this afternoon, i crossed a busy intersection before the "walk" signal came on, and the driver simply threw her hands up in exasperation behind the wheel and came to a stop. in beijing, her car bumper may have grazed my knee, and every nearby driver would have started honking madly as well. i felt much worse about cutting this woman off -- it's easier to feel blase/defensive when others are rude to you.
jewish community centers, tree-lined suburbia streets, buses with more empty space than riders, the washington monument en route to the reagan airport ... all these make beijing feel so far away. i haven't had the chance to write about beijing on LJ this past year, largely because i've been better about keeping a hard journal, but perhaps in time (and in procrastination) i'll post a few nuggets i've found particularly memorable.
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October 19th, 2006
08:40 pm - hello!
Greetings from Beijing, where the smog is incredible and the streets are always dotted with people, bikes, and cars. I finally settled into a dorm room at Beijing Univ., and am gradually getting used to a much simpler (and communal) lifestyle. The bathrooms down the hall are really something, especially the squat toilets that are all over the city (squat ones outnumber Western ones probably 10:1), the water in the shower falls in a heavy arc out of a hoselike head, and it's best not to go barefoot, ever. The food is ridiculously good and cheap -- convenient, too, especially on campus. The queues are long, but people are so fast -- I've never seen so many people scarf food so quickly (what's the rush? It's only school, ha!), and the rapid clicking of steel chopsticks against the rim of plastic bowls is initially subtle but impossible to ignore upon noticing it.
I am beginning to find my way around the city, and I finally saw the organization where I'm signed up to work. Seems like they may end up being a central hub nominally, and in actuality they may end up referring me to do more direct work with affiliated migrant organizations. There are three other interns, one of whom is so intensely competitive already, which is strange since I'm not sure what we're supposed to be competing about. I thought I left these kinds of people behind at Harvard, but apparently they come in all sorts of breeds and travel globally.
Anyhow, this will all take time to absorb. I'm just frustrated sometimes because I can't get things done as efficiently as I'd like -- especially when trying to navigate the nightmare-ish temporary residence application procedure and other such bloody paperwork involved.
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October 9th, 2006
01:19 pm - tomorrow!
i am leaving for beijing tomorrow! in the meantime, i've been watching re-runs of dawson's creek (joey and pacey forever); it's definitely time for me to leave the country.
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September 1st, 2006
12:12 am - august ends.
i've been living in denial for the past few months, but college is over. my id card no longer lets me into lamont. in a few hours, i will hand over my key to jorge and he will drive me to allston, where i'll be for september. even though i'll be back in the square periodically over the next few weeks, it won't be the same -- i won't be turning onto plympton st, or swiping into randolph, westmorely, or these other buildings that have become so familiar to me. give me a few more weeks after that, and i know i will miss the bustle of the square .. the mechanical chirping that indicates when it's safe to cross toward the coop or out of town news, the mandolin player who sounds terrible (is he blind? i never figured it out), the chinese paper-cutter woman, the man who sells indigenous-looking instruments, the spare change men whose newspapers i have yet to purchase. and how that bustle settles by 11p to the occasional whoosh of the passing car.
this summer has been tough unexpectedly. the roaches in lowell were thoroughly upsetting, though they made for good bonding experiences when my sister visited (oh, the instant comaraderie that happens when you need to get rid of the gross but can't bring yourself to smush it .. windex ended up being our choice of weapon -- more effective than it sounds! and better than having insect guts lodged in the soles of my shoes) .. the frustration that there was house-wide recognition of the problem but no action taken .. but mostly, it's been tough because everything's felt so dry -- people i've deeply cared to see have been few, and studying has been hard. at times, it is easy to lose sight of what it's all toward .. that it's of course about wanting to work with people and to understand their lives, and not about the prestige, the security, the need to "win" at this game harvard teaches students to play.
this upcoming year will be good for me, i think, in a lot of ways. it'll be nice to be doing something different in a new place with new people (i was on the T recently and realized that i probably won't see such diversity for a while after september -- to be surrounded with people who sort of look like you, huh). for now, there's this nebulous force of energy that i can't possibly understand until i try the whole immersion thing. ehh in some ways i'm trying not to build up expectations because whenever i do so (which is alas, often), the outcome always feels so anti-climactic.
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April 28th, 2006
12:34 am
my essay class has been consuming my emotional life lately. i haven't been used to drawing upon myself for material to probe -- this digging has been uncomfortable, embarrassing, painful, and oddly enough, cathartic. there's a really interesting relationship between writing and talking about my subject matter. by talking about x, i find that x is/can be fascinating to others in a more-than-voyeuristic way; it helps affirm that while it puts me under a rather awkward (perhaps ugly) light, there's something surprisingly human about it all that somehow redeems, or at least makes worth writing about.
i wonder at times what it must be like to be sven -- to be reading these bits and pieces of our lives that are in many ways so intensely personal; to get to know others through their writing rather than through conventional direct interaction. (or does one really? there are always the authors you think you really want to meet because you love them through their writing. but then you meet them and they're absolute assholes). class has felt like group therapy ... i secretly (not so secretly, anymore) suspect he's a freudian.
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December 27th, 2005
03:10 pm - 2005 closes
home is always bound up in the comfort and frustrations of routine, and the past that bleeds into the present. i have mixed feelings about being home - it means not tackling work; indulging in nostalgia; realizing that some friends have changed a lot, but perhaps these changes aren't so unexpected; seeing my sister go through the frustrations of strict parents that i experienced, but for her, more intensely; being saddened by people's inability to connect with each other beyond a material level . . .
every year, my former math teacher organizes an IB get-together, and it's always interesting to go - not because this annual event allows us to really catch up with each other (mingling events pain me), but because in a superficial way, it's intriguing to see what people are up to. a few things noted: 1) how we still associate people with qualities or activities that defined them in HS, how hard it is to NOT associate them with former traits because we haven't kept up with them; 2) how it is so easy to define people by what they do, what tangible markers of success they've acquired, rather than defining people by WHY they do what they do. the latter particularly fascinates me, because in order to get at what motivates others' actions, we have to invest time in them. frankly, though, i didn't come across many whom i wanted to probe further. i hate making empty promises of "let's get together," but found myself quipping them to a few, despite a vaguely gnawing sense of apathy.
i came across this guy that i used to see in HS. it was so odd - i didn't expect to feel uncomfortable, but it was tinglingly so, maybe because we haven't really talked for some five years. it's easy in hindsight to dismiss the feelings i had for him (one of those "oh, we didn't know what we were doing; we were so young"), but i do think that age/time doesn't make former feelings any less legitimate. i can't help but think that the realness of what i felt for him some time back made seeing him last week pleasant. i exchanged many casual words with a boatload of former classmates, but the few that i had with him were nice - really - in a way that i cared about our brief conversation that i didn't necessarily for others.
winter break is so weird. i'm going back to school early on the 29th. i am potentially spending new year's with mac (not sure what the context will be); then the usual hoopla picks up again all too soon.
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October 25th, 2005
08:23 pm
I love that people can be so good to each other.
It has been a long past few weeks. Terrified of the unknown, but learning to face it; have been deeply moved by people's immense generosity and selflessness.
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August 6th, 2005
07:34 pm
this is a totally superficial entry.
and not to objectify the male race,
but this boy in my class is so
tan tall long legs great hair rugged cut jock
and he's working at an orphanage next year.
wow!
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June 27th, 2005
10:45 pm - haha aww
This is one of the gems of my day, which in all was quite lovely. A note from one of my IEL students:
Dear Andrea C. Yang
Thanks for your e-mail.
I am happy to be a student of Harvard Summer School,
and happier to be a member of Adams House F entry.
And I think it is the happiest thing that you are our proctor.
Summer days fly by.
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May 29th, 2005
10:55 pm
i've been home since last friday, and leave tuesday. the time i spend at home keeps shortening. today i asked my mom when she was planning to go back to taiwan and visit her family again, and she suggested perhaps next year. not this summer, since even with my sister at camp, my brother is still around the house and needs conversation and meals; not this winter for some reason that i've forgotten; maybe next summer. she hasn't been back since 2000 or so, and then i started thinking that maybe i'm gradually doing the same thing: my time at home gets shorter each year - when does it get to the point at which i come home every half decade? that seems really extreme! i do realize i'm just a 3-hr plane ride away, rather than a day-long one across the ocean; that i don't have four people to take care of daily ... but what if things really drift apart, inevitably? woolf was onto something.
what frightens me is that sometimes (often) i forget to attempt to reinforce ties, to bring things and people together. i received a birthday card from my parents asking me to call home more often - not even extended ph calls, only that they hear my voice and sense how i'm doing, which made me feel incredibly guilty! i DO want them to know how i'm doing, though at times i wonder how much they can truly empathize. (this is a result of spending time with Max this past semester. he's convinced that empathy is ultimately impossible ... a thought that saddens me. he saddens me.) i assume that my parents can't understand the pains of constructing arguments; i am quick to dismiss my mom's attempt to understand better what i do at unilu and how i feel consequently; or she'll ask how so-and-so is doing, even though i haven't talked to so-and-so in about a year, etc. then i realize that maybe it seems like she can't *possibly* understand, or asks the wrong q's, because i haven't shared very much with her recently! and has become distanced because at the moment, it's quicker, more convenient to dismiss her q's. i don't know if empathy is possible. if impossible, do we label the attempt toward it as futile, and just let it go? or do we try to bridge it all the more so that the attempt at empathy at least brings us closer, even if we can't fuse completely? the latter seems more redemptive.
it's quicker, easier to do what's more convenient at the moment. what doubly frightens me is that i find myself gradually, subtly (or maybe not so subtly), increasingly mechanical, more perfunctory in my actions. i semi-shocked myself by asking how someone was doing the other day, and not really absorbing their response. what was more appalling was that i think, if i remember correctly, i even turned away before they finished answering. oh my goodness, dangerous. i have spent so much of this school year doing, doing, doing, and haven't thought enough about the impact that each interaction i have with someone makes, on me and the other person. agh.
i was thumbing through a few journals i've kept from high school, and it's painful to go through half of them, simply because i was awful! to make myself feel better, to make myself feel cooler, i remember ripping on so many people with Barby. i always wryly smile when i read entries on why so-and-so is my "best friend" because we have "so many things in common"; our commonalities were that we both have immigrant parents and like designer clothing. (BLUSH!) i like to think the superficiality has changed, but for a moment, i did wonder if i'm just better at covering it up now. for the lighter half of the entries, there are a lot on boys, spasms of anticipation and effusive appreciation, many awkward moments that i'd forgotten. funny, since i'm still pretty good at making things awkward!
more awkward delights will likely surface. i'll be cringing, and then likely musing over how silly i was some time down the road (read: two, three months later), and pretending at that point that i am SO much more poised, enlightened, just plain COOLER than i used to be. aspirations!
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April 5th, 2005
03:30 pm - bored.
haha. i swear i'm not advertising.
Your dating personality profile:
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about her appearance. | Your date match profile:
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. | Your Top Ten Traits
1. Liberal
2. Big-Hearted
3. Stylish
4. Wealthy/Ambitious
5. Adventurous
6. Practical
7. Religious
8. Sensual
9. Romantic
10. Outgoing
| Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Practical
2. Big-Hearted
3. Adventurous
4. Outgoing
5. Religious
6. Stylish
7. Conservative
8. Intellectual
9. Traditional
10. Romantic
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Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions
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January 23rd, 2005
11:26 pm
My flight home was cancelled today =( Twice, because of this silly 2-ft+ snow.
Hopefully it'll take off smoothly tomorrow.
BUT
I went sledding down the steps of Widener. Wooooo with dining hall trays.
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January 2nd, 2005
08:06 pm - Happy (belated) New Year!
Wow, I am the queen of updates. Apologies! (not).
Break has flown by ... spent most of it peddling music to tourists at Sea World, and finished the last round tonight. Relieved. You know you're unfocused when your bow is still moving and everyone else has stopped. Ahaha.
Let's see. Went to Sea World yesterday. I'd almost forgotten how much I like water rides; I haven't screamed so much for a long time =) Although I admit I wasn't stoked at the beginning: something about the stale chlorine smell of the water (which looks rather gray than clear) is iffy. And the setups within the ride - I'd forgotten how plastic or digital they look. And the sense that not much fresh air gets into the ride kinda grosses me out. But when the cart drops down those steep slopes, or crashes left-right-up-down in darkness, and I realize that I'm screaming gleefully, I guess none of that really matters. =)
I am mildly jealous of a twelve-year old girl. I'm rather embarrassed about it, because I tell myself that she doesn't really sing all That well, and that she and her mother look really fake. But when she belts out a climactic moment to "When You Believe," I feel goosebumps under my jacket, recalling that I could barely speak in front of a crowd when I was twelve - let alone sing - and that she is pretty darn beautiful, even if in a generic way.
It feels funny writing an entry online. I left my journal at school, and it's notable how I feel myself censoring what I write here. It might even be quicker writing an entry on paper than typing my thoughts, simply because I find that with paper and pen, I don't restrain myself nearly as much. I don't worry whether I sound moronic or not; if my grammar is bad; if I give someone too much voyeuristic delight; or reveal that I am really, just vain at heart.
See, I've edited this entry three times already.
=)
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August 22nd, 2004
11:47 pm
i heart paul hamm.
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August 20th, 2004
11:59 pm - Done!
HARMONY, the Family Program, and Writing Center are all officially done. Summer in Cambridge has come to an end, a sad fact even more pronounced now that my roommates are gone. Which means that I have complete license to
*jump on all the beds
*sleep naked
Uh, that's about it.
I have flushed two wedges of tofu down the toilet (not so smart a move), and now the toilet is gurgling.
Have been doing isolations for part of tonight to our freeze dance CD. Frances and Jae would be so proud.
More to come soon. The early bird gets the flight home tomorrow.
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August 9th, 2004
09:44 pm
you are what you love, not what loves you.
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July 21st, 2004
01:16 pm - CYEP
CYEP kids at the Haggerty School are the greatest, hands down.
Our lesson plan went ridiculously well this morning: the kids were surprisingly into identifying instruments, quick and accurate at recall. Alice and I played Bach Double this morning for them, mentioning ONCE this dude named Bach; two hours later, they remembered the composer's name! Hurrah! I've never had such an attentive group so far .. today was teaching in the Ideal World. There was no "I hate music," "Why aren't we listening to music from that movie with that nasty green woman?," etc. Showing them and teaching them parts of the violin also went over well - interest + recall = Andrea Happy.
They were SO Good!
It makes me wonder what we do right, what works, and what doesn't. We have the same lesson plans for all sites, but the responses are so varied! BRYE gives the blank stares (ok, go ESL), MHSP ehh depends on the age group; those who groan about our lessons are the ones who need it most (or do they? those who don't gripe could be just as clueless about instruments?), but it's very frustrating to teach to students who don't want to learn. It's almost too easy to just let it all go, say "fuck it," and leave after half an hour.
But when they hug you afterwards and pull you by the hand because they have questions (mostly relevant), gaze upward at you in concentration and interest because You As Teacher Are Fascinating and All-Knowing .. it's great, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Ah, cheese!
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July 13th, 2004
01:15 am - stupid
Tonight was a night of Andrea-isms, and fate.
JenH has these movie vouchers for Loews, so the plan was to use them up tonight on Saved! .. Jon and I headed on over to Kendall, entered the theatre, and promptly slammed our vouchers onto the ticket counter. "Saved!, we'd like!" The guy looks at us and tells us that the movie only plays at 4:25p. It was 9:45p at the time.
1. Andrea looked up times for the Weekend.
We sit on some stairs, trying to figure out what to watch, call Eugenie to tell her what the new situation is, decide that the movie with Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd looks appealing (ie time works, 9:55p). We're all ready to slam our vouchers on the counter again, until J realizes that we are in a LANDMARKS THEATRE, not a LOEWS!
2. D'oh! Our vouchers, whether we slam them or not, are NOT LEGIT.
What to do? We return to the counter; I intend to call the Loews in H. Sq, and ask for the phone book.
3. I search under "MOVIE" in the white pages. The WHITE pages!
For some reason I cannot fathom, it's nowhere to be found. We eventually find the number in the newspaper, and
4. I actually dial the theatre's number to ask about shows and times, only to realize mid-ring that everything is spelled out for me just under the number. Sigh.
We end up at the H. Sq theatre, where we cannot slam our vouchers because it's one of those tricky slide-your-money-under-the-plastic-pane things, and the woman pulls off the FREE POPCORN stub, and
5. I leave without the movie TICKET! Mind you, however, that I DO have my popcorn voucher. Yeah vouchers.
That's about it for the Believe-it-or-NOT's. I am ambivalent about Michael Moore's movie, although I found the Orwell quote particularly striking .. a quick paraphrase that the elite will strive to maintain status quo, the social hierarchy as it currently exists, only at the expense of the lower tiers. Interesting.
Oh, yes, and I had mentioned earlier the role of FATE in tonight's shenanigans. Tonight was a Youssef night! We ran into Andrew Youssef en route to Kendall; coming back to Harvard, at the Kendall station, we saw ODETTE Youssef on the Ashmont train passing by! And THEN in the movie, the name "Youssef" flashed on the screen. Whoa!
Is this what people call kismet?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/mely/lemonfaces/blush.gif) embarrassed
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June 25th, 2004
05:48 pm - little things matter
i just wanted to note a few little things that made me happy yesterday, just so that i am not constantly complaining in these entries:
* better feedback on the 2nd real teachback, even though i was about to pee in my pants before i went, bc i wasn't sure what section colin wanted me to present
* cooking in my makeshift - ie ghetto - kitchen in the bathroom (only room w/o a smoke detector); using my little stove on a ceramic white tile
* having this totally arbitrary yet completely pleasant conversation with a stranger on the T on the way home from kaplan - she was w/her husband, coming back from north end; apparently, we were on the same green line around 5:30 that prematurely dumped everyone at gov't center; little stupid things in common. and by "little stupid" i mean from the same state and whereabouts. haha.
* some person gave up his seat for me on the T! i haven't seen that happen to other people (let alone me) for a really long time. it almost restores my faith in the male race.
so we can conclude that the T is actually a friendlier place than it initially appears (although, note to self: Woman was not from MA)
little points that amused me:
* my mom telling me to go shopping and start dressing like a lady (do i dress man-like? just bc i like to use my creepy man voice every so often does not affect my dress ...)
* jae being shady as usual and sneaking up on me and frances as we walked to do half-ass PBH training, carrying on as if there was nothing unusual
eloquent prose is overrated. ie i am just lazy.
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